Am I alone?

Am I alone?
thought Noah in the ark
thought Elijah in the cave
thought Jonah in the whale
thought Peter in jail
thought Stephen in a field of stones
thought Saul on Straight Street
thought Peter as he wept
thought Jesus in the Garden
thought God as Jesus died
Am I all alone?

Stay away

Would I drive through a road covered with water?
Would I continue to increase my speed coming upon a Highway Patrol car?
Would I step in front of a truck?
Would I walk close to the edge of a dangerous cliff?
Would I stand on a sand bar in the Kansas River?
Would I walk into a dark forest with the eyes of a predator looking at me?
Why would I do these things?
I wouldn’t!
So, God?
Why would I risk my life flirting with eternity?
Why are there moments when I live as though you are not watching?
So, God? What say you?
“Stay away!”

Why?

Why so downcast oh my soul? Why so disturbed within me?
Why God? Can you tell me why?
It is a simple word. My request is only a one word question. Why?
Can you explain your plan for me?
My life changed in a moment.
That moment made it evident that my life would be different.
But why me?
Sorry, Lord. Those were two words! But will I ever know?
Forgive me, Lord.
Asking “why”, it seems, brings on additional questions!
“Why so downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?”
“Put your hope in me!”
(Psalm 42:11)

Running

Running! Fleeing and pursuing! Are we running to God or running away from the devil? Are we running to God to discover His love or running away from Satan’s advances? Are we running to God because our heart demands it or running away from Satan out of fear? Are we running to God for all the positives reasons or are we running because we are ashamed? Will we ever know our heart without our motive being compromised? Maybe there are days we see our heart in the mirror and know the answer. (Reflections from Psalm 139:23)

Never asleep - ready to forgive

"Father, what is that smell?”
“It is wood burning, son.”
“But it is in the middle of the night. Why would anyone be cooking tonight.”
“Look at the horizon, toward the middle of the camp. Do you see the smoke?

The moon is shining tonight. Do you see it?”
“Where is it coming from?”
“The Tabernacle! The smoke is from the altar.

The Levites are putting more wood under that altar.”
“But why, Father, everyone is asleep.”
“God has commanded that the altar should always be ready for a sacrifice.”
“Are there people in the courtyard now?”
“I don’t know. But the altar is always ready for someone to confess their sins.

The smoke and the smell at night can always remind you that God is ready to forgive you.

Now, go to asleep. God is awake.”
(Reflection from Leviticus 6:12,13)

If I really believed...

If I really believed… could I move a mountain? But I don’t really want to move any mountains. I just want to believe so I could remove the thoughts that are painted across my canvas each day. I just want to believe enough to remember that God’s eyes see everything that I do. I just want to believe enough so that I can live out the promises God has already given me. Nothing great, nothing spectacular, nothing miraculous, nothing earth shaking… I just want to believe enough to be pleasing to God. Is that so hard? For heaven’s sake it appears so. So, how can I ask God to move mountains, out there, when I have small ridges in my own life that seem impossible? So, God, here I am, small, sinful yet my inner desire is to be at peace with you. That’s my large mountain. Increase my faith. (Reflections from Matthew 17:20.)

Clutter

Make room? His room is all cluttered, cluttered with stuff. Not bad stuff at first glance; stuff that was never put away, stuff saved for ol memory sake, stuff which never had a place to call home, stuff thrown in the corner with all good intention of folding it away; stuff on the bottom, on the top, in the corner; stuff hidden from sight on purpose; just stuff, not bad stuff at second glance. Room for more stuff, I suppose! “In all his thoughts there is no room for God.” Psalm 10:4

Mercy or Patience?

Is it possible that a man can be lost with people all around him? Is it possible that a man can be deaf yet hear? Is it possible for a man to have two strong legs yet stumble? Is it possible for a man to have knowledge yet be ignorant? Is it possible for a man to be free yet be a slave? Can we drift yet be tied to the dock? Can we hear your voice beckoning us yet ignore it? Can we weep inside yet wear our religious masks? Can we need the love of God yet have our arms folded? Yes nine times over. Jesus said that he would forgive us 70 times 7 over. Is it mercy or patience? Is it possible we need both?

God's forgiveness

God, how does your forgiveness work? I wish I could repent on my own and respond to your Holy Spirit’s voice in my heart. But do you honor our confession after we have been “caught” with our hand in the cookie jar? Is your forgiveness less merciful? Do you love us less? David didn’t confess his adultery and murder until Nathan the prophet confronted him. Peter didn’t confess his denial of Jesus until after Jesus caught his eye during the trial. Saul of Tarsus didn’t change his mind until he was blinded. How great is your love. I don’t understand your patience. We are made in this image but we certainly don’t have the mercy and forgiveness toward others as we want from you. So help me be more forgiving. Help me to repent before my life goes further down a path that I know I shouldn’t take. Is this what Paul is talking about when he said that we will never do what we really want to do and what we don’t want to do we find ourselves doing? If Paul had this struggle with repentance and he heard your voice, I certainly need your forgiveness even more. Help me to believe in my victory through Jesus.

Even at Night

What happens to us at night? Father, you have created our inmost being. But what does it reveal? Are you at work in us when the sun goes down? At night our conscious self shuts down in sleep but our mind is still in motion. What we have poured into our daily thoughts is rehearsed at night. What we have seen is revisited. Our daily imaginations are played out on the wide screen.

Heavenly Father, you want to sustain me while I sleep and give me peaceful rest. How can my mind be in tune with you while the world is laid to rest under the stars? Let me come to you Jesus at night as one man once did. May you fill my mind with answers to questions I have yet to ask. Even at night may my mind be transformed. (Reflections from John 3:2 & Psalm 3:5)

Whiteboard

Lord, I am so glad that you don’t use a whiteboard to list my sins. I can never get a whiteboard totally clean. I have observed with a lot of use something happens. The marks have a way of never getting totally erased. As the whiteboard gets old, there is a chance the eraser can’t get the job done. And if I bear down on the marker the harder it is to erase it!

Don’t you just feel like taking that marker and writing down my sin as hard as you can? How frustrating I must be to you. But how amazing is your love that you want to wash me whiter than snow, or as white as a new whiteboard! My sins are totally taken away when I tell you about them. But don’t you tire from constantly erasing my whiteboard. You must have the eraser in your hand and never put it down. It is hard to believe what you’ve promised? My promises are so weak. (Reflections from Psalm 51:7)

Listening

Listen… “To pay attention, to hear with thoughtful attention, to be alert, to catch an expected (unexpected) sound.” (Webster’s Dictionary)

“Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it.’ Then you will defile your idols… you will throw them away… and say to them ‘Away with you!’”

So, God, I think I need a louder voice. It is not like your voice isn’t good enough. It is just my ears are filled with wax... O.K. so the wax isn’t the problem. I hear the whisper. But I also hear another voice. It sounds like yours. This voice keeps repeating the same word, “grace”. He has a great voice as he sings, “Grace, Grace, God’s Grace”. So I don’t listen to the first “you”, but to the later sound. - I know it isn’t you. But I listen anyway… Help me with my weakness… obedience! (Reflections from Isaiah 30:21, 22)